It was the third of September and the memory of the events that had happened on that day may be a bit fizzy in my head yet to some extent I remembered some of the parts, the important parts, clearly.
The third of September seemed like any other ordinary day of my life. I went to school late as usual blatantly blaming the awful traffic in Manila, endured another four hours of class, stayed in a coffee shop with no available Wi-Fi which is not a good thing whenever I’m alone for the reason that it feels awkward and admittedly, lonely. It’s either that I read a book or stayed abuzz fumbling my phone in order to avoid meeting people’s eyes and judgments because of my solitude state. I wish I didn’t care about what people think but it’s inevitable. On that day, I left my book at home and pretended that I am busy texting someone. My friends arrived subsequently and asked me if I could hang out with them at the mall and of course, I said yes. Obviously, you were with them because after all, we’re friends. We all are. Nothing more, nothing less.
After frolicking around the mall, all of us bid our goodbyes and part ways. We went home together. I didn’t mind the company; it made me feel at ease.
Basically, you talked about your feelings, thoughts, and troubles and I was there beside you listening patiently, giving advices and mesmerized by the way you talk about things like it all makes sense.
The moment I arrived home, my friend called me and bombarded me with questions like what do I think of you, your best and worst qualities, what did happened when we went home together and many more that I can’t seem to remember. Promptly, I felt alarmed. I know that something is up so I tried my very best to answer each of his questions as carefully as possible. I found out that the call was a conference. You have been listening to me all along. My friend called me privately and said that it was my turn to listen to you answer questions about me. He asked me to keep quiet and I did as I was told. My heart skipped a beat when I listened to the conversation. It is one of the moments where you feel excited, sad and terrified at the same time. When my friend asked the question ‘may gusto ka ba kay Tricia?’, you paused. It was a transitorily pause but it made my heart pause too, like my life depended on your answer. You answered the question and of course, it made me stop listening to the conversation.
It hurt. Hearing you saying it loud and clear was a sign that I should stop this. It was ludicrous of me to think of you that way but I can’t help it. Does anybody here know how to stop this foolishness? Probably, no one…